Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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