Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
