This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
