Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
