My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
