Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
