She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You were trust falling into bushes
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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