Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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