No awkward lesbian experiences without me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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