sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
