Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
