i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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