If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she told me i tasted like america
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
