I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
