What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
