Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
