Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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