Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
