Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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