Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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