i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
