I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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