I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
