He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
