I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
