the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
