My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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