It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
