So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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