I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
