i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
