I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
