A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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