you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
