EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
