Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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