I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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