one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
