she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
