Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
