just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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