FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
And then he peed in my hair
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