I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
