if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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