Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
