I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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