When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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