I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
