I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
