I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Holy shit dude........stairs
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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