I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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