I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
